Wee Angus is using foul language

Wee Angus is in a bad temper
He’s been finding “that word again”
hidden in cupboards
resting on shelves
on the top bunks
under bottom bunks
cluttering up pockets
in the life boats
stowed under the carpet
and, above all, chugging through the ears
of all who listen to the ABC, the BBC
NBC, CBS until most passengers
as well as the crew
and almost everyone on board
with the exception of your Captain
and the CPO are tempted to use it.
Let it be known that the use of “fantastic” is henceforth
absolutely forbidden
unless referring to Anita Marie’s stories
fairy tales and “ither such”.
Angus has gathered all copies
and anyone who wishes to use
said word must report directly to me
and will have to prove correct usage.
As chief steward and petty officer I keep a very good thesaurus

on my desk and will provide you with any number of English

(or foreign for that matter) words meaning
excellent, pleasing, remarkable, splendid, ripping, admirable,
worthy, estimable, distinguished or even supreme.
In addition: Wee Angus is a good
tempered Scot but he threatens to bite a chunk out of any mere mortal
who dares to suggest that he is fantastic–
.